Picking Myself Back Up

CRAP. I didn't realize how long it had been since I've last posted on here. Want me to be honest? No? I'll tell you anyways. I-GAVE-UP.

Yes you heard that right, I gave up. That simple. I thought to myself that this was a waste a time and that I gained nothing from it, and it's true I don't, well physically. Let me explain.

I forgot all the emotion I would put into a blog post such as this one, I forgot of the excitement I felt when I saw someone commented on my blog post, I forgot of the way how stressful it is for me to worry about my English and grammar skills, or the way my emotional stress is kind of lifted off my shoulders when I blog. I sincerely am hating myself right now for the fact that I thought that way.

Who else thinks I was wrong! (Go ahead and bash me out in the comment section.)

Well, now that I have admitted my wrong doing I will actually compensate. Want to know why I'm not unintentionally lying in this one? I ACTUALLY have someone I know that will scold me if I don't continue on this anymore. I love that too. They know who they are! (Special shout out)

Stop with the excuses, time to really work, I'm feeling motivated. Let's get this baby running again.

Oh, also, here's a little something proving that at least I haven't stopped drawing.

Sorry the pink looks wrong, but it was my first four Copic Sketch Markers!!!! I was so excited I literally used it all up and the ink was running out, which is why it has so many streaks. (And yes I only got four markers because they're expensiiiveeee!)

The things I do for love.

What do you want to see more of? Let me know!

DIY's! They're life!

Art! I really want to see you improve.

Refashions. They're creative!

Life stories! They're fun to read.

All of the above. I need something to read.

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Update

I got the flu! I think, well I'm positively sure I'm sick on that part. There goes my Halloween, but not only that, I also have to work today. Ugh....Sniffling, coughing, bones and muscles hurting, red eyes, and sweaty body. Ah yes, I definitely wanted to work today.

For now I've still been working on my other website. It's coming along nicely and will hopefully be more organized, right? I've been catching up on my drawings like I promised.

News Break

Okay so I have good news and bad news...
The good news is, I finally found a way to work my graphic tablet! Woohoo!
The bad news is, everything else is still broken..and by everything else I mean this:

• My iPod.
• My computer.
• My bed. 
• My wall (no joke, I feel like the whole room is going to collapse on me).
• My heart and its will to keep going.

Ehhh. I still got jokes.

Anyways. 

I will gain the strength to pick my blog back up. I feel like I can and I will try my hardest.

I mean, I'm pretty sure everyone has that one moment in their life where they really really really really regret some life choices and they feel really down about it. No? It can't just be me. Well that's how I feel right now and everyone is disappointed in me and I feel okay about it but I feel wrong. They've disappointed me at some point too you know? And since I find the fact that it is impossible to talk about myself I invite you to talk to me about yourself. If anything, I can say I am a great listener. After all, I did listen to my best friend rant about the "sucky" boyfriend I have on my own birthday. How he completely forgot to say happy birthday to me isn't anything to brag about, but I never complained to him.

Now about this Blog.

I will be off from time to time, but don't worry it doesn't mean I stopped working on it. It just means I'm working on it even more. I've decided to pay for my own domain on another website and kind of join them together, by organizing the other one to really be a website with projects and one section for all my blogs. Basically about myself. (Haha me and my selfish desires Mwahahaha)

Privileges

I know I haven't posted in a while.
To be honest I didn't want to anymore, well I did, but I felt like it was unnecessary.
I feel unnecessary.

I have a job now, I want to go to college and study and I just feel like I won't be able to anymore. I have an older brother. Everyone is so proud of him. He got a scholarship, I didn't. He has a car, I don't. My mom helped him pay many things, not me.

I don't want to feel selfish or jealous but I do. I feel like crap. It's like I only exist when they actually need me. "Oh? Big bro too tired to take you to the store? Let's tell Maria to take us." or " Big bro too tired to fix a light bulb? Let Maria do it." I know it might sound pitiful but it all builds up in me, for example, whenever I need something I have to fix it myself or they get irritated if I ask them for help. Why? Why do they get so mad at the simplest of things but I can't get mad with them.

I told them about my blogging work more than five times and every time they say it's something stupid. That I'm wasting my time because there's no way I'm going to make something out of this. To me it's something so special though. Knowing that someone can read this it makes me feel better. I have so many projects in mind and they don't realize that 90% of the time I don't do it because I'm helping them out.

Well I'm done ranting...I think. So far I have the worst luck ever. I bought myself a graphic tablet with my first paycheck because I knew it'd be a good investment. I would have more possibilities in enhancing my drawing skills and guess what happened? My computer broke down the day I received it so I can't even use it. It's just been sitting there in a corner of my room. *sigh* Now I have to pay to get my iPod fixed because without it I can't take pictures and I have to buy a whole new desktop computer because no one else is going to buy it for me. How in the world am I going to save up enough to go to college by January. Wish me luck, btw I have a nice post coming closer. I believe it'll be nice if I do it by this Sunday or Tuesday that is coming up.

To Make or Not to Make?

Guyyysssss!
I am back!

I know, I know. I basically disappeared for like an eternity. Well, to me it was an eternity not being here blogging about my usual curious self. There was nothing I missed more than my projects that I hope one day will get popular.

If anything, I started getting back on track with my drawings! I also got a job, my first and nerve-wrecking job, ahh how happy I will be to get my first paycheck tomorrow. My eyes are sparkling with delight (they sure weren't the first day of work though)!

Anyways, Mexico was fun somewhat. It was bothersome that we had to stay there longer than I expected and that there were a lot of fights involved but somehow we managed in the end.

I have a lot to do to work on this blog so far and I want to try having a DIY month, where I make a post everyday on a DIY project for a whole month. Problem is what month should I pick and can I really hold up to it? Or should I make a Pinterest week, where I make a Pinterest DIY project for a week? Basically they're the same thing, but there should be a schedule for both. At least that's what I believe. I'm just so excited to be back and finally get on track with my life. There's so much to do!

By the way I finished that quick sketch I made for my brother (I know, about time)! Here it goes:

That hair though ;)

Here's some pictures I took while travelling around Mexico!

Basilica de Guadalupe in Mexico City, Mexico

Basilica de Guadalupe, outside view.

The park in the back on the way up to the little church.

"Vacation"

I´m on vacation. Supposedly...

Well things haven´t gotten any better if  I must say so myself.

Just letting you know I´m not safe but I will be happy the short time I´m here in Mexico. Glad and excited to go back and get a job to save for college. I will not let myself get depressed this time.

I´ll try anyways. Just stating the fact that family matters are getting worse and I will be in a 12 hour trip tomorrow. Wish me luck!

My Life Update

Okay, so first thing's first, this is an update of my life because how in the world would it be possible to make a post at 10:24 p.m. about my entire life? Nope, no way possible unless I stayed up all night and that's a no no for me.

Special thanks to my motivator Kyle. :)

Yes I had to add a smiley face to that because if anything makes me smile more it's reading a nice comment. Seriously though.

There's so many things to say right now that I don't even have words for, but something I'm positive everyone should no is that I get irritated and stressed easily. If there is anything that makes it worse it's a good disappointment after being stressed, now that makes me so mad to the point of crying. Well, that happened today. I received such a big disappointment with such little and pathetic words that make me feel so weak and vulnerable. I don't like feeling weak and vulnerable. Time for the big story again... *sigh* I believe I exaggerate sometimes but nothing's wrong when stating your point of view.

Well, there´s the anxiety I get sometimes when I´m out and about on my own business but it really doesn´t help when it comes to real life experiences. I´m stressed about almost everything and things I shouldn´t be stressing about.

I want to go ahead and let my readers know that I officially failed to get into college first semester. Although I had good grades in high school and graduated on top 25% of my class I feel like an idiot. Didn´t have the money to pay my visits and didn´t have the time either. This post was actually supposed to be posted about two weeks ago but I couldn´t post it.

Here´s what happened. My uncle´s (who is like my father and brings us to Mexico) son wanted to see his father since he lives in New York so they were supposed to meet up over here in Mexico. So we had to leave in a hurry because my uncle had vacation days starting the day he got the message so we left in a hurry that night. No, I did not have my luggage ready. When do I?

So we left and we arrived just in time for my cousins graduation to which I had not slept at all for. Yep dark circles and under eye bags was just the thing I needed for a party. Just to get a call later that my uncle´s son had twisted his foot playing soccer and would not be able to come. There´s a lot of fights with the family and I end up in between them and for some strange reason I must forgive them all but none have forgiven me apparently. Everyone has ignored me at some point that I have been here.

I´m just hoping that everything will get better. I don´t like being in this. Just let it end and get it over with already then you can ignore me all you want.